(Source: plagved, via n0ctiphilia)

Anonymous said: q t j l m

Yo, it’s too much of a pain in the ass to answer these on mobile, so if you wanna know something, just ask that specific question.

I had the coolest fucking waiter at Red Robin the other day, man. Dude gave me like 4 free root beer floats because I asked if you were allowed to share them.

They think they’re gonna get food.

They think they’re gonna get food.

A foster dog that my friend is taking care of got out and I tore my toe open on something while chasing it.

The tip of my big toe looks like ground beef right now.

July 24 2014, 10:00PM

I just chased my best friend down the street in my boxers while yelling that he was a cheating whore.

I ever tell you guys about the time I accidentally poured degreaser on my dick and almost cried? No? Yeah.



This is Pops. He’s a former bait dog that my roommate rescued a while back. Back when he was with his previous owners, he’d had most of his teeth knocked out with a hammer so he couldn’t fight back against other dogs, and had been thrown onto a freeway from a moving car, so he has some brain damage and isn’t exactly the smartest of dogs. However, he’s extremely friendly, though, and he always comes up to say hi (which usually involves burying his head in my armpit) when I’m working out, and will seriously follow you everywhere, smacking his face into your knee until you give him some attention. It’s honestly amazing that he’s such a sweet dog after dealing with all the abuse he’s experienced.

Someone needs to knock the previous owners out of a car after their own teeth have been removed. And for good measure have them neutered

Well, you certainly don’t fuck around.

Anonymous said: wow you are stupidly attractive

I’m not sure how to respond to that, but I appreciate your choice of words.

Y’know, I just remembered the time some girl started yelling at me while I was at the fair so I threatened to fuck her boyfriend in the ass and the dude refused to make eye contact with me.

I don’t even remember what caused it, but that guy was a fuckboy.


This is the funniest thing to ever happen to Canada

(Source: theone8888, via heelsandswords)

Robert De Niro in Taxi Driver (1976).

Ryan Gosling in Drive (2011).

(Source: moviescans, via onegoodman)